The Next There
Overlook, Black Canyon of the Gunnison, Montrose, CO. Photo by Paul Lampe
You may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself
"Well... how did I get here?”
From Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads, Written by David Byrne, Brian Eno, Chris Frantz, Jerry Harrison, and Tina Weymouth.
When do you get There?
There I am. Sitting in a navy blue jacket and not-too-matching professional pants, because now you can’t wear skirts to job interviews, trying to pretend like these clothes are comfortable as I struggle to stifle an almost-laugh when the job interviewer says, “Tell us why you want to work here.” Let’s see…”Because I love Customer Service so much that you could hire me for free. I love helping people when they are pissed off. It fills my cup.” Said no one ever. Duh. For. The. Money. That got me wondering.
Just the other day, my son told me his generation was fed a lie. The lie was, “Go to college, work hard, and you will get a job, buy a house, get married, and your life will be happily ever after.” Maybe he’s right. Maybe the conventional wisdom of that time was wrong. Taylor is a Millennial, and carries some pride in it. The statement does give me pause, because maybe my generation, which is Generation Jones for the record, was told something similar. It was a bit more complicated for women. But the idea that you grow up, go to college, work hard, and tah-dah! All is well is also not true. Try being not-quite-retired and find a job as easily as you did 20 years ago. But here I am, and I am not even sure I want to be employed by other people. For some time now, I have wanted to hire myself. I think maybe I have learned a thing or two about ways to support other people in business. I think I have reached a new There.
Mountain in the distance. Ouray, CO. Photo by Wendy Stieg
Here or There?
I can almost hear David Byrne in the back of my mind. Yes, how DID I get here? Truth be told, looking at my life today, it is unrecognizable from where I was even ten years ago. I am the same person, but so much has changed. I sometimes wonder if we don’t just live multiple lifetimes in one. Before I wax too philosophical, I am in a place in my life where things feel transitional, and yet oddly stable. Living with contradiction is part of the art of living authentically, I suppose. I reached a point where I had to ask myself a question I hadn't expected. Was I looking for another job...or was I looking for another way to work? I was definitely NOT looking for a large automobile.
This little desk has become the headquarters of my next There. Photo by Wendy Stieg
Looking for Work…AGAIN
I have worked a LOT in my life. I had my first job when I was 15, and worked for The Regency Theater in Boulder, Colorado. It was known for Quadrophenia on Friday nights and The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Saturday nights. It also showed the occasional Fellini film. Not too bad for a summer job as a high school kid. At one point, I had three jobs and was raising kids as a single mom. At another point, I was coaching ski racers on weekends and teaching elementary school at a private gifted school in Spokane, Washington. There have been a lot of jobs, a lot of roles, but not really a lot of money. Making a lot of money was never really what interested me. I was always much more interested in what kind of job it was. Needless to say, I never did have a lot of money.
And now? Now not quite ready to retire, but not quite ready to work for someone else. This realization did a sneaky thing, and slowly came over me that maybe I have more invested in this work-thing-related-to-my-identity than I thought. Identity is a strange thing because without it, one can feel tossed around and without a rudder, but with one, you can become stifled. I think whatever I am now is yet to be determined. And that’s okay. Maybe it’s not about a job at all. Maybe it's more about how I'm going to spend my time, and also, how I'm going to pay the bills.
Looking back, I think this journey began long before I realized it, in Michelangelo and the Moving Truck, when I first started questioning what meaningful work might actually look like.
So, When Did Work Become a There?
Work was supposed to be something that you did so you could support yourself. But in American culture, it is so much more than that. It is your identity. Most people state, “I am a doctor. I am a businessman. I am a teacher.” Whenever you say, "I am..." you're creating an identity. But is that really who you are? Is it your essence? Or is it simply something you do? If you lose that job, then who are you?
I am not unfamiliar with identity crises; the first time I realized I was in the middle of one was when my kids moved out of the house. I was suddenly struck with, well, if I am not somebody’s Mommy, then who am I? What is my purpose?
I find myself in this territory again, and realize that all of life is a transition and all of life is temporary. Every bit of it. Even ancient rocks are temporary. In the broader sense, it doesn’t really matter who I am. But internally, what I do, how I impact people and the world DO matter to me. I want to believe I have somehow made things slightly better than I found them. Whatever it is that ends up being next, I feel like that has to be a part of the equation. Recognizing that work is definitely not who I am is actually a huge step for me, and one I am glad to finally be able to articulate.
Building this blog became much more than learning a new platform. It slowly became part of my own evolution, something I explored in Building Best of Both Worlds.
Trail from The Mail Box Loop, off of Vulture Rim Loop in Montrose, CO Photo by Wendy Stieg
The Through Line
I truly believe that finding meaning in what you do matters. I also believe that when you have a purpose, it clarifies everything. It is also a pillar in the Blue Zones’ ideas around longevity. It is called Ikigai in Japan. When you lose your Ikigai, you stop seeing meaning in life, and life becomes pointless. But meaning in life is not from something external. I have been hoping to find something I can do that occupies some of my time and will serve a purpose. But I now realize it’s the other way around. I create the purpose and the meaning, and then find ways that work can fit what purpose and meaning are for me.
Something unexpected happened recently. As I began writing my blog, a whole different world opened up to me. Just seeing if I could write a blog transformed me in ways I am just beginning to recognize. Now I am starting to see that who I am is an inside job. It is not my gender, my religion, my nationality, or my occupation. Who I am is much more strongly tied to what I choose as my purpose. I do have to choose it because it will not just drop out of the sky and give me a purpose. But it does come from my values, what I find to be important, and how I want to be.
Sunrise in McElmo Canyon, Cortez, CO Photo by Wendy Stieg
The Course Corrections
I did get There at one point. Paul had found work in the Vail Valley, and so did I. We moved from Leadville to Gypsum. We lived within 40 minutes of Vail Resort. We had lots of gear, went and saw a lot of music, traveled across the U.S. regularly, and for all intents and purposes, we were There. But neither one of us wanted to be There once we got There. That may sound crazy to some, but probably the biggest issue was that we had a very poor work/life balance during our day-to-day living. We realized that we needed to chart a new course. So we did. I have been very open about the fact that when we moved to Cortez, we realized that it was not for us, either. Moving twice in two years was not the intention. So another course correction. Finding jobs, changing jobs, and quitting jobs are all course corrections, too.
But there have been even more subtle course corrections as well. I started this blog on GoDaddy, and then switched it and relaunched it with Squarespace. I have built websites in the past, and done so in the days before there was a Squarespace, when you had to build every component. Like my life, my blog is a work in progress. I get to keep trying, keep working at it, keep improving it. I have discovered that the blog has become a lot of things. It is new learning, it is rediscovering skills I had forgotten I had, and it is a place for real expression. This has opened the door to reconsider what all of the things I am currently doing mean and give me a shot at building a business I never imagined I’d have.
I've come to believe that meaningful change rarely happens all at once. It's usually built through small, intentional steps, something I explored in July's Blueprint: Small Steps Make Freedom Happen.
Sunrise on Vulture Rim Loop, Montrose, CO. Photo by Wendy Stieg
The Next There
Maybe life doesn’t have just one destination. I think it's true that we were sold an idea whose time has come and gone. No, going to college, working hard, and being a good person are not enough to get you a job anymore. But getting a job no longer holds the same meaning it once did for me. Dancing in this changing, transitional time of my life may mean some reinvention. I don’t think you grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, buy the house, get the dog, have the kids, take the vacation, and then you are done. What happens after that? Did we really go through all of those things to just…retire? And then what?
Maybe something else is true. Maybe we don’t have just one purpose in life. Maybe we can choose a new purpose. Maybe it reflects our values more than our identities. Maybe the best is yet to come. Maybe there is not one final destination. Maybe you DO get there, but when you do, now you want a new There. Maybe life is a series of Theres with course corrections in between. Maybe that’s okay. As long as I am alive, I will keep wanting new horizons. New There’s.
For me, the next There is an interesting combination I did not expect. I have a blog that has now reached over 5,000 people. I was never after becoming viral, just consistent. I have also created products. I started building a website for my friend Carolyn, who is a realtor in Cortez. I have more people asking me about what I could do for them. For me, it is fascinating how all of the course corrections and new horizons in my life have led to this: My dream of starting a business that supports my desire to be of service to others in a meaningful way, and one that can also support me financially, is slowly coming true. I love that.
Looking back, I think I've been writing about this idea for a while now, beginning with I Don't Want to Escape My Life. I Want to Build a Better One.
Perspective. Black Canyon of the Gunnison. Photo by Wendy Stieg
In Closing
Today you'll notice something new on Best of Both Worlds. A Work With Me page. I realized that what I have learned can help others. I think it is the next step toward creating a business that reflects me and my values, as well as helps others. Maybe you do get this kind of a revelation, Once in a Lifetime.
If you'd like to learn more, you can visit my Work With Me page.
